Start Here: From Desperate Housewife to Badass Matriarch

How I Rose from the Ashes and Created a New Identity

We don’t always choose when life breaks us open.
But we do get to choose what we do with the pieces.

This space is for the ones who’ve been through the fire—divorce, heartbreak, disappointment, reinvention—and are ready to rise. Not perfectly. Not all at once. But fully, authentically, and on their own damn terms.

In this first essay, I share my personal story of falling apart and rebuilding from scratch—not just once, but many times. It’s a reminder that transformation isn’t reserved for a new year or a perfect moment. It starts the second you decide you’re done living half a life.

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The silence of an empty house can be louder than the chaos of a full one—and on that Saturday morning, it nearly swallowed me whole.

It was a few short weeks into the new 50/50 custody arrangement with my now EX-husband. I woke up to a quiet house—too quiet. I dragged myself into the kitchen to make coffee, the rattling hum of the Keurig the only sound breaking the silence.

As I waited, I looked around at my new home, the one I’d worked so hard to make ours. It was supposed to be a fresh start for me and my kids, a place where we could begin again.

But instead of feeling proud or hopeful, all I could feel was how empty it was without them.

Rock Bottom: The Kitchen Floor Moment

The silence was deafening. There wouldn’t be any voices calling “Mom” today. No toys scattered across the floor, no laughter or chaos to fill the space. No dishes scattered all over the kitchen. 

My heart ached, and a lump formed in my throat. The tears came fast, and before I knew it, I was on the kitchen floor, sobbing. I missed them so much it physically hurt.

For 15 years, my life had revolved around being a stay-at-home mom. Now, I was a recently divorced “desperate EX-housewife” trying to figure out who I even was anymore. 

My kids were splitting their time between two homes, and I was lost without them.

Physically, I was a mess—junk food, late nights, and Netflix marathons.The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie my only companions. My couch became my sanctuary and my prison.

My hair was falling out from the stress, migraines struck me several times a week, and I was on medication I didn’t even need after being misdiagnosed as bipolar.

Emotionally, I felt abandoned and purposeless. My family was far away, my in-laws were now former in-laws, and the only purpose I’d ever known—being a mom—had been cut in half. I felt ugly, insecure, powerless, and scared.

That Saturday morning on the kitchen floor, I hit rock bottom. But it was also the moment I realized that something had to change—and that something was me.

Radical Acceptance: Choosing to Rise

Laying on that kitchen floor, it didn’t feel empowering. It felt raw, overwhelming, and just plain hard. I stayed there for a few minutes, crying, when suddenly Maren Morris’s song “GIRL” popped into my head. 

It was a popular song at the time, and something like this happens to me a lot—songs just pop into my head with the exact message I need to hear.

I heard the line, “Everything’s going to be okay, baby girl” on repeat. And for some reason, I believed it.

By that point, I’d spent a couple of years in DBT therapy, so I had some new tools to work with. One of them, a skill called Radical Acceptance, came front and center. 

I realized I had two choices: I could choose to keep suffering, or I could choose to be happy. 

So, I chose happiness.

That choice wasn’t about instant empowerment or a magical transformation. I didn’t jump up from the floor and suddenly become this powerful badass matriarch that I am today. 

It was about accepting the reality in front of me—the life I’d chosen and the domino effect created that led to the dissolution of my marriage. 

It wasn’t easy, and it sure as hell wasn’t an overnight glow-up. Rising from the ashes is messy, painful, and intense. But as I often say, you must go through the fire to come out better on the other side. Until you face it, you stay stuck, burning, and suffering.

Tiny Habits, Big Shifts

At that moment, I realized I had no choice but to put my big girl panties on and get my shit together. 

So, I started small. Baby steps. 

Day 1. Starting with a shower and going for a short walk after I finished my coffee. After those 3 things, I told myself I could hang out with Blanche and Sofia on the couch until tomorrow. 

I then committed to taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and going for a walk outside every day. That was it. Those tiny habits were my first glimmers of hope.

Once those tiny habits became part of my day, I added 20 minutes of yoga and meditation. I started to wonder, maybe I wasn’t as stuck as I thought. But I knew I needed more to truly get unstuck. I couldn’t do it alone.

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Transformation: From Surviving to Thriving

People often ask me what my secret is, and I wish I could tell you it was as simple as sipping a magic potion.

But transformation isn’t magic—it’s messy, challenging, and deeply personal. I often think of myself as “Old Jen” and “New Jen” because who I was then and who I am now feel like two entirely different people.

Old Jen was stuck in survival mode. I was overweight, trapped in a cycle of unhealthy habits, and my idea of a “balanced diet” was a burrito supreme (no tomatoes), a beef chalupa to match, and a giant Pepsi from Taco Bell. Honestly, the drive-thru girl probably knew my order by heart.

I hated not wearing makeup because I felt so ugly without it, but I eventually got to a point where I just didn’t care anymore—and not in an authentic way. My hair, what little I had left thanks to all the stress, lived in a permanent messy bun because doing anything else felt like climbing Everest.

The real turning point came when I made the decision to invest in myself. I hired a life and health coach, and with their support, I began to push beyond the basics. 

Those small habits I’d started—walking, yoga, and taking care of myself—were no longer just survival tools. They became stepping stones to something bigger. My focus shifted from simply getting through the day to actively creating a life I wanted to live.

Slowly but surely, things began to shift. I started meal prepping, drinking smoothies everyday, and finally drinking water—something I used to protest with the common limiting belief of “I don’t like water”.

Now I drink water (....and coffee) all day long and don’t go anywhere without a water bottle.

I started to detach from my old life, the one that included my children and their father. While I love my kids more than anything and miss them when they are with their dad, I no longer feel lost without them.

I found plenty of things to fill my time and now look forward to my time without them. It was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to find another purpose beyond “just a mom”.

Around this time, I attended Unleash the Power Within with Tony Robbins. It was another game-changer. For the first time in years, I felt alive again—like a fire had been lit inside me. I walked out of that event with clarity, focus, and a renewed sense of purpose.

People started noticing, first with, ‘Have you lost weight?’ and then with something even better: ‘You look so happy.’ Those words meant more to me than anything because they reflected how I felt inside—strong, capable, and alive again.

Now, “new Jen” prefers to wear as little makeup as possible and I go days without anything—and I still feel pretty. And my boyfriend thinks so too!

Thriving, to me, isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning to show up for yourself, again and again, even when it’s hard. It’s about choosing habits that make you feel good inside and out.

I stopped obsessing over the number on the scale and started celebrating how I felt: happy, beautiful, and confident.

There are still days I struggle, but I’ve learned that thriving is an ongoing process. You don’t need to be perfect to be proud of how far you’ve come.

Progress Equals Success

One of the biggest lessons I learned along the way is that healing is an inside job. There’s no way around it. No amount of material things or over-prescribed medications for anxiety or depression was going to “fix” me. I had to do the hard work.

Another game-changing lesson: Boundaries and forgiveness are acts of self-love. 

Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself

Part of walking through the fire and rising from the ashes was facing my demons head-on. I had to forgive those who had hurt me—my former spouse, the men who sexually abused me as a child, and even my parents, who did the best they could with the tools they had. 

Forgiveness wasn’t for them; it was for me.

Through this journey, I rediscovered my true self. I’m so much more than just a stay-at-home mom or housewife—I am the badass matriarch of my family. 

I’ve learned that no one is coming to save me but me. I am strong, independent, and courageous. I’m embracing my inner vixen, unashamed of my body, or my past and no longer afraid to  enjoy sexual intimacy with the lights on. 

Today, I’m a happy single mom helping others find their true happiness. My focus is on personal development, being the best mom I can be, and living in the moment with gratitude.

I no longer compare myself to others in a crippling way. Instead, I focus on the moment and all of the things I have to feel grateful for.

I talk to myself with gentleness, self-compassion, and validation. I’ve become the new me—the new Jen—and she’s everything I never knew I could be.

The Unexpected Gifts of Struggle

When I first got divorced, I thought it meant I was a failure. I felt like damaged goods—defected and broken. I worried endlessly about my kids and their well-being, feeling like a shitty mom for breaking up their family.

And to top it off, I felt judged and less than when I compared myself to married couples.

But over time, I found something I didn’t expect: resilience. I began cutting toxic people out of my life and making room for better friends—the kind who lift you up instead of dragging you down. I discovered a purpose beyond being “just a mom.”

Then came the biggest milestones: I became an author and a certified life and health coach, helping clients find the same thing I had been searching for—intrinsic happiness.

But above all else, I became content with my life, even in the hard times.

Because here’s the truth: there will always be hard times. Life doesn’t stop throwing storms your way. 

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.”- Vivian Greene

I’m far from perfect, and I don’t claim to be. I reflect on my mistakes and choices all the time, and I’ll never stop learning from them. I’ve learned to forgive myself and keep striving to be better.

And here’s the thing: I’ll never reach a point where I’m “done.” Life is about constant transformation.

We can either rise from the ashes like a phoenix or stay simmering in the painful embers.

The choice is ours to make, every single day.

A Message of Hope

To anyone reading this who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or like life is falling apart: I see you. I’ve been there. The pain feels unbearable, and the future seems impossible. But let me tell you something—it’s not.

You have more strength within you than you realize. Your past does not define you. Your current circumstances do not limit you.

No matter how broken you feel, you have the power to rewrite your story, one choice at a time.

Start small. Take a shower. Look in the mirror and give yourself a high five. Go for a walk. Drink a glass of water. These tiny steps, as insignificant as they seem, are the beginning of something much bigger. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Just focus on taking the next step.

Healing is messy. It’s uncomfortable. But I promise you, it’s worth it. The fire you’re walking through right now will mold you into something stronger than you ever imagined.

Forgive yourself. Set boundaries. Choose happiness—not because it’s easy, but because you deserve it. Life isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning, growing, and finding joy even in the rain.

You are capable of so much more than you think. And when you start to believe that, even just a little, everything begins to change.

You’ve got this.

Jen 💜

If you're ready to stop just surviving and start becoming the version of you that feels like home — you're in the right place. This newsletter is your space for raw truths, healing tools, personal growth, and the occasional tough love when you need it most.

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👇Before you go, I’d love to hear from you:
What moment in your life forced you to hit reset — and how did it change you?