Lack of Boundaries Invites Lack of Respect

The Hard Truth About How We Teach Others to Treat Us

People don’t ‘accidentally’ take advantage of you. They do it because they know they can.

For years, I thought being nice, understanding, and “the bigger person” would earn me kindness in return.

Instead, it made me the go-to person for last-minute favors, emotional dumping, and unpaid overtime.

Sound familiar?

Here's the brutal reality: The more you tolerate, the more you get walked on.

If you never enforce boundaries, you’re silently telling people that your time, energy, and needs don’t matter.

And trust me—they’ll believe you.

Who’s Taking Advantage? (Hint: Almost Everyone If You Let Them)

Here’s the thing—people don’t take advantage of you out of nowhere. They start small. They test the waters. They all do it in different ways, but the pattern is the same. And if you don’t push back, they keep going.

• Friends, partners, family, — They will ignore your texts but expect immediate responses when they need something. They’ll cancel plans last minute but expect you to be available at their convenience. They make jokes at your expense, dismiss your concerns, or make you feel guilty when you finally say “no.”

• Coworkers and Bosses will offload extra work onto you because they know you’ll do it. They’ll expect you to stay late, pick up slack, or be the “team player” while they enjoy the credit or don’t compensate or reciprocate. They push deadlines without consulting you, ask for “just one more favor,” or assume you’ll always say yes.

• Parents and Kids will manipulate with guilt. Parents use phrases like, “After all I’ve done for you,” to get their way. Kids test limits, ignoring rules you set, or even cry to get what they want, knowing you’ll cave if they push hard enough.

And sometimes, the disrespect is more blatant.

Confession 1: The “Best Friend” Who Played Both Sides

I had a best friend who was starting a new job. Coincidentally, this job was at the same place as a woman I already had a bad feeling about—someone I suspected was sleeping with my partner.

My friend knew how I felt. She knew my doubts, my insecurities, and my gut instinct about this woman.

I never told her to avoid the girl. I didn’t demand loyalty. I only asked her to keep an ear open. That was it. I thought that was fair.

It never occurred to me that they would become friends. Why? Because I assumed my best friend would have more loyalty and never put me in that position.

I assumed that because I would never do something like that to her, she would respect me the same.

But I was wrong.

Suddenly, they were going out together—girls' trips, late-night drinks, texting inside jokes. And I sat there, watching it unfold, telling myself I was overreacting.

I didn’t want to be insecure. I didn’t want to be that friend who told people who they could and couldn’t be around.

So I let it happen.

I made excuses for her. I swallowed my feelings and even gaslighted myself about my gut feeling. I let myself be uncomfortable to avoid making her uncomfortable.

And guess what?

That woman had been sleeping with my partner the entire time. My intuition was spot on.

Before my best friend even met her, before they became close, and before I had any proof—this malicious woman knowingly befriended my best friend.

The ultimate kicker is that my then-partner didn’t even have the decency to stop his affair partner from befriending my friend.

How disgusting and narcissistic is that? This friend attended family holidays and family funerals, for God’s sake.

Would either of them have done that if they really cared about me? No. Would I have stopped it if I had stood up for myself sooner? Probably not, but maybe. At least I would have stood up for myself.

But even after the truth came out, I never got an apology from my so-called best-friend. Not once.

She had the audacity to make it about her—about how she was blindsided, about how she was hurt that this woman had lied to her too. As if she wasn’t the one who ignored my feelings, disregarded my boundaries, and chose her anyway.

Reflecting on the past, I recognize I allowed her to walk all over me for years. She had consistently been the dominant one in our friendship, or rather, the more insecure one.

And this? This was merely the final slap in the face.

She was never really my friend.

My responsibility in this? My lack of boundaries invited a lack of respect.

Needless to say, all of those self-centered individuals are no longer in my life.

Good riddance.

Harsh Truth

People don’t ask for permission to take advantage of you. They just do it—and wait to see if you’ll stop them.

And the longer you allow it, the worse it gets. Because when you repeatedly excuse bad behavior, you’re essentially teaching people that they can take advantage of you without consequence.

It doesn’t make you the bigger person—it makes you a doormat.

And the people you care about the most? They’re often the ones who take advantage the most because they know you won’t push back.

This isn’t about bad people versus good people. It’s about how people respond to what you allow.

• Friends ignore your texts but expect instant replies.

• Your boss gives you more work because they know you’ll handle it.

• Your partner prioritizes themselves every time because they know you won’t complain.

It’s not evil—it’s just human nature. People take the path of least resistance. And if you don’t set limits, they’ll assume you don’t have any.

Respect Isn’t Given—It’s Demanded

Here’s the thing, people don’t suddenly start respecting you because they have a change of heart. They respect you when they realize they have to.

I spent years being the “understanding” one. The “nice” one. The one who didn’t want to start drama.

And guess what? It didn’t earn me respect—it made me an easy target.

I said yes when I wanted to say no.
I made excuses for people who never made time for me.
I let things slide that made me uncomfortable just to keep the peace.

And then one day, I had enough. I started saying no—without apology, without explanation.

And something shocking happened.

The people who truly cared? They adjusted. They respected the shift.

The ones who only wanted to take? They vanished. Fast.

And I realized: It wasn’t that they didn’t know how to respect me before. They just didn’t have to.

Confession 2: The Family Member Who Assumed I Was Free Childcare

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I had a family member who worked full-time. Every time daycare was closed for a holiday, guess who she assumed would take her kid?

She wouldn’t call. She wouldn’t ask. She’d just show up at my door at 8:00 a.m. with her child. Because in her mind, I was already home, so why wouldn’t I?

And I did it. For years.

Not because I wanted to.
Not because I had the bandwidth.

Not because I loved her little boy.
But because I didn’t want to start conflict or cause problems for someone else.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying not to be flexible or go out of your way to help out a loved one, especially if you know you can depend on them to do the same. It’s when it’s taking advantage of our kindness and not reciprocating or appreciating.

It’s not ALWAYS malicious, but it is ALWAYS selfish.

We’re taught that being a “good person” means tolerating more than we should. That kindness means endless patience, self-sacrifice, and biting your tongue.

Yea….screw that!!!!

You’re not a good person because you tolerate disrespect. You’re just easy to manipulate.

Respect isn’t a reward for being the bigger person.
It’s a side effect of having boundaries.

And the sooner you start demanding it, the sooner you’ll see who was only in your life because you were easy to take advantage of.

How to Identify and Enforce Boundaries

Creating and enforcing boundaries starts with understanding what truly matters to you.

As a life coach, I teach my clients the first and most important rule: honor your yes and no.

It’s not just about telling others what you will and won’t accept—it’s about respecting your own decisions and standing firm in them.

Step 1: Identify Your Boundaries

Ask yourself:

• What are the behaviors that consistently make me feel disrespected, drained, or frustrated?

• When have I said yes when I wanted to say no?

• Where in my life do I feel the most resentment? That’s usually where boundaries are missing.

• What are my non-negotiables? What am I no longer willing to tolerate?

Step 2: Start Enforcing Boundaries with Minimal Conflict

Once you’ve identified your boundaries, the next step is enforcing them in a way that minimizes conflict but remains firm. Here’s how:

• Be clear and direct. No vague hints. Say, “I’m not available for that,” or “That doesn’t work for me.”

• No over-explaining. You don’t owe people long-winded justifications. “No” is a complete sentence.

• Use neutral language. Instead of saying, “You’re always dumping work on me,” say, “I’m at capacity and can’t take this on.” Or “I am uncomfortable with this..”

• Expect pushback. People who have benefited from your lack of boundaries will resist. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong—it means the boundary is necessary.

• Stay consistent. If you make exceptions every time someone complains, you’re training them to push until you cave. Hold the line.

Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they’re about controlling what you allow in your life.

If someone respects you, they’ll respect your limits. If they don’t, they were never really in your corner to begin with.

REALITY CHECK

I used to think setting boundaries would make me lose people. Turns out, it just showed me who was worth keeping.

That’s the kind of realization that sticks. And it’s exactly why you need to share this message.

Let’s talk about it:

• Have you ever had a moment where setting a boundary changed everything?

• Have you lost someone you cared about after enforcing a boundary? How did that make you feel?

• What’s one area of your life where you know you need stronger boundaries?

Drop your thoughts in the comments—I want to hear your story.

And Finally….

Feel free to forward this to a friend who might benefit. Sometimes, people don’t even realize they’re being taken advantage of until they see it written out like this.

And if this hit home for you, please restack this post. The more people understand this, the fewer of us will have to deal with those who mistake kindness for weakness.

Because from this moment forward, we’re not just hoping people treat us better. We’re demanding it.

People will either step up or step out. Either way, you’ll finally have the respect you should’ve had all along.

-Jen