Let Go, or Be Dragged

You Can’t Fix Broken People—Stop Trying

This short, brutal truth cuts straight to the heart of what happens when we cling to unhealthy attachments or toxic people.

If you’ve ever held onto someone who thrives on dysfunction, chaos, or stagnation, you know exactly what it means.

Whether it’s a partner, a friend, or even family, these emotional vampires don’t uplift; they drain. They don’t rise—they pull you down with them.

Broken people might claim they want to fix themselves, and you might even believe them. But deep down, they’re not looking for growth—they’re looking for someone to sit in the wreckage with them and call it love.

And if you refuse to release their grip, you’ll end up exactly where they are: stuck, unhappy, and wondering what happened to the person you used to be.

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way—through the loss of friends, a spouse, family members, and partners.

Shared values and a mutual desire to grow are essential for any relationship to thrive.

Without that foundation, you’ll find yourself losing more than just the relationship; you’ll lose yourself in the process.

The Truth About Broken People

Broken people are experts at self-sabotage. They ruin opportunities, push away love, and destroy the very things that could help them heal.

Why? Because deep down, they don’t believe they’re worthy of better. And rather than face that uncomfortable truth, they’d rather drag you into their storm.

They don’t want to heal.

Healing means work.

Healing means accountability.

Healing means taking a hard, honest look in the mirror and confronting the mess they’ve created.

Most broken people would rather live in denial than do the work, and as long as you stick around, you’re just enabling their stagnation.

The Energy Vampire

There was a time when I was on top of my game. I took care of myself—mind, body, and soul. I exercised, drank water, practiced mindfulness, and made my health a priority.

Then I let someone into my life who pretended they wanted the same things.

They talked about their goals, claimed they wanted to live a healthier, happier life, and I believed them.

I even thought my actions and dedication might inspire them.But their actions didn’t match their words.

They were unmotivated, content with bad habits, and, frankly, lazy.

I tried to help. I encouraged them, supported them, and even adjusted my own life to try to make things easier for them.

But instead of rising to meet me, they dragged me down.

Over time, I stopped doing the things I loved. I stopped yoga, stopped running and I stopped prioritizing myself because I was too busy trying to pull them out of the pit they refused to climb out of.

Here’s what hit me like a gut punch: they didn’t care that I was falling apart. They were relieved.

Misery loves company, and in their mind, the closer I got to their level, the less guilty they felt for staying stuck.

The Emotional Child

Then there was the emotionally immature one. They lived in a perpetual state of deflection and blame. Any time I brought up something that upset me or made a request for change, they flipped the script to make me the problem.

I tried everything. I worked on my own communication skills, went to therapy and stayed patient. But the truth was, they didn’t want to change. Growth takes effort, and effort was something they weren’t willing to give.

What happened? I became resentful. Every conversation turned into an argument. Every effort to grow together was met with sabotage.

Over the years, I realized I had become bitter, burned out, and completely disconnected from who I used to be.

They didn’t want to fix themselves. They wanted someone to join them in their dysfunction.

The Perpetual Victim

One of the most painful experiences I’ve had was watching the closest thing I had to a sister, someone I was once very close to and still love deeply, become consumed by her victimhood.

Instead of healing her wounds, she’s remained stuck in the blame game—pointing fingers at her parents, those who hurt her, and anyone she believes broke her.

Her life became a cycle of obsessively consuming information about dysfunctional families and personality disorders, spiraling into a dangerous pit of self-pity and resentment.

Instead of using that knowledge to empower herself and heal, she used it to reinforce her victimhood. It was heartbreaking to see someone so intelligent and capable sabotage every opportunity for growth by clinging to her pain.

Her refusal to take accountability and step out of the blame loop has pushed everyone away. Those of us who care for her deeply are left loving her from a distance because she’s become draining and consuming.

As much as I would love to have her as an active part of my life, the cost to my mental health is too great.

This is the tragic truth of the perpetual victim: they don’t just stay stuck; they pull others into their darkness. It’s a painful dynamic that forces you to make a choice—protect your own well-being or risk being dragged into their spiral.

As much as I love her, I had to choose myself.

Shared Values Are Non-Negotiable

I’ve lost relationships of all kinds because I ignored this one truth: shared values are non-negotiable.

If you want a life filled with purpose, health, and peace, you cannot attach yourself to people who thrive on the opposite. It doesn’t matter how much you love them or how hard you try to help—they will always pull you down to their level if they’re unwilling to rise.

Broken people often claim they want better, but they don’t do the work. They sabotage every opportunity and drag down anyone close to them.

And why? Because it’s easier to pull someone down than to climb up.

The Cost of Holding On

I’ve been there. I’ve watched the years go by, praying for people to change. And while I waited, my health—physical, mental, and emotional—deteriorated. They didn’t care. They stood by, watching me struggle, secretly relieved that I was becoming just as miserable as them.

That’s a hard pill to swallow: they’re fine with watching you spiral because your downfall makes them feel less alone.

If this resonates with you, I want you to hear me: don’t be dragged down. Just let go.

Don’t Be Dragged—Just F*cking Leave

Here’s the truth: you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. Love cannot heal what someone refuses to acknowledge.

And no matter how much potential you see in them, it doesn’t mean anything if they won’t take the first step for themselves.

It’s not your job to carry someone else’s burden at the expense of your own well-being.

Letting go isn’t cruel; it’s necessary.

If they were going to change, they would have done it by now.

If they cared about your health and happiness, they wouldn’t stand by while you deteriorate.

And if you stay, you’re only proving one thing: you care more about their comfort than your own life.

Staying isn’t loyalty—it’s self-destruction.

Leaving isn’t easy. Trust me, I know.

It means facing your fears, your grief, and, yes, your guilt. It’s terrifying to let go of the hope that someone might finally change.

But staying in a toxic dynamic will cost you far more—your peace, your joy, and, eventually, your sense of self.

So don’t wait. Don’t hope for a miracle. Don’t let them drag you down one more inch.

Just f*cking leave.

Because the longer you hold on, the harder it’ll be to climb out of the pit they’ve dragged you into.

If you’re holding onto someone who doesn’t share your values or your vision for the future, let go.

Stop hoping, stop waiting, and stop making excuses for them.

You deserve someone who will grow with you, not drag you down.

Let go, or be dragged. The choice is yours.

Now it’s Your Turn

I want to hear from you…

Have you ever held onto someone who dragged you down?

What was your breaking point?

How did you finally let go, and what did you learn from the experience?

Let’s continue this conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to know how this resonates with you.

And if you found this piece valuable, help me spread the message: forward it to someone who might need it, or restack this article to reach even more people who could use this reminder.

Let’s create a community of people who choose growth over stagnation and healing over dysfunction.

Thank you for being here. I see you, and I’m rooting for you.

Jen