Thank you for this timely reminder. I’m having to let go of my sister because she is engaging in toxic behaviors with a married man. She’s isolating herself, told me basically that “your life doesn’t have anything to do with my life,” and so I’ve decided to give her what she wants.
I’m going to stop chasing her with good advice, wisdom, and accountability that she doesn’t want.
I told her that if she continued down this path, she would wreck her life. “It’s my life to wreck,” was her response.
So now, in the interest of my own sanity and health, I lovingly detach. I let go, so I won’t be dragged down. I do not have time for it.
Also—I lovingly detached from my ex-husband. He took his life six months later.
Wow Lindsay, that’s a lot for someone to deal with. I’m sorry to hear about your ex-husband and the loss of your kid’s father. That’s tough. As far as your sister, if you can detach from her decisions you can still have a relationship with her. I’ve had 2 friends who were compulsive cheaters and one was having an affair with a married man- I didn’t agree of course. I gave my two cents one time and let it go. I still hung out with them and listened to their drama. And my life is more calm. We are not our behaviors and people do settle for cheating are struggling in some way intrinsically- they need love and support- even if it’s from afar.
Thank you for commenting and supporting my article. 💜💜💜
I hear you Jane. I have lost some best friends because of their lack of awareness to change their ways. It's hard to let go, but once we do, we feel relief and freedom along with the loss. The feeling of loss will go away, the relief and freedom won't.
Hi Krista. I think toxic parents are the hardest because we are hard-wired to want a connection with them. One of the best ways I help clients with this (it's more common then we realize) is to try to empathize with their parents. When we can understand even a little, why they do what they do, we are able to forgive them just enough to create healthy boundaries and loving space. I don't know your mom's story, but I'd guess she was hurt in some way too as a child and treated in a similar way; therefore, she is only doing what she knows, even if she deep down knows it's wrong. It doesn't make it right, but it can help take the pressure off and give some space and grace because it's not personal. It hurts like hell, but it's only her inner demons showing themselves. I know that isn't a magic answer, but if you can hold onto that, it might help.
Wow, I have been struggling for months over my decision to let go of someone and love them from afar. The constant negativity and refusal to grow, even though they seemed to want to, became clear to me and it broke my heart. I became stagnant on my journey and had to choose myself. I have questioned my decision many times, but felt so much peace, and had a renewed vigor to continue my writing. I mentally feel better. Choosing me was hard, but necessary. Thank you so much for this article. I needed this ❤️
Yes, even though these decisions may be necessary, it doesn’t mean they aren’t painful to go through. Hard choices = easier life. Easy choices = Hard life
This is such a powerful and necessary message. Letting go of people who drain us is one of the hardest but most transformative decisions we can make. It takes immense strength to walk away from relationships that no longer serve us, but doing so is an act of self-respect and self-preservation.
For me, the hardest part was accepting that love alone isn’t enough to change someone—they have to want it for themselves. Jennifer, have you found that people ever come back after you've distanced yourself, claiming they’ve changed? And if so, how do you determine whether it’s genuine growth or just another cycle?
Hi Karen. Thank you for starting a conversation. This is one of the hardest things about being human, letting go of those we love. What a great question as well. For me, I had one person come back claiming to have changed, and I loved him so much at the time that I believed him. Within a few short weeks, he was back to his old self. The saddest part is that I stayed another 6 months back in the cycle of hoping and praying they would change until I left for good. That was over 6 years ago and he's still the same miserable person. Otherwise, nobody I have grown away from has come looking for me. They are still stuck and unhappy and I am not going backwards. I am sad and miss a few of them, but not enough to settle.
Well, Bineettio, you are in for a treat with my article for tomorrow on happiness. You don't have to stay "broken". One of my beliefs is that sometimes bad things happen to us by circumstance or through channels beyond our control, AND, it is our choice and responsibility to persevere and learn and grow from such adversities. Staying broken is still a choice; at least, here in the United States, it is. I am not sure about other countries and cultures.
Awesome!! I post a new article every Wednesday!!! Is there anything you are interested in that I could write about for you when it comes to relationships or personal development?
Thank you for this timely reminder. I’m having to let go of my sister because she is engaging in toxic behaviors with a married man. She’s isolating herself, told me basically that “your life doesn’t have anything to do with my life,” and so I’ve decided to give her what she wants.
I’m going to stop chasing her with good advice, wisdom, and accountability that she doesn’t want.
I told her that if she continued down this path, she would wreck her life. “It’s my life to wreck,” was her response.
So now, in the interest of my own sanity and health, I lovingly detach. I let go, so I won’t be dragged down. I do not have time for it.
Also—I lovingly detached from my ex-husband. He took his life six months later.
But myself and my children survived. ❤️🩹
Wow Lindsay, that’s a lot for someone to deal with. I’m sorry to hear about your ex-husband and the loss of your kid’s father. That’s tough. As far as your sister, if you can detach from her decisions you can still have a relationship with her. I’ve had 2 friends who were compulsive cheaters and one was having an affair with a married man- I didn’t agree of course. I gave my two cents one time and let it go. I still hung out with them and listened to their drama. And my life is more calm. We are not our behaviors and people do settle for cheating are struggling in some way intrinsically- they need love and support- even if it’s from afar.
Thank you for commenting and supporting my article. 💜💜💜
Correct. I recognize that she is struggling big time. I’m offering my support, like you said, from afar. It’s the close support she doesn’t want.
Deep down she knows that what’s happening isn’t good for her, and I believe it’s all connected to shame (her holding me at arm’s length).
It’s hard to sit back and do nothing while my sister’s life implodes. But, I love her still, even from a distance. 🙏
Yes. My best friend and I can't even with her anymore.
I hear you Jane. I have lost some best friends because of their lack of awareness to change their ways. It's hard to let go, but once we do, we feel relief and freedom along with the loss. The feeling of loss will go away, the relief and freedom won't.
This describes my mother. How do I overcome that?
Hi Krista. I think toxic parents are the hardest because we are hard-wired to want a connection with them. One of the best ways I help clients with this (it's more common then we realize) is to try to empathize with their parents. When we can understand even a little, why they do what they do, we are able to forgive them just enough to create healthy boundaries and loving space. I don't know your mom's story, but I'd guess she was hurt in some way too as a child and treated in a similar way; therefore, she is only doing what she knows, even if she deep down knows it's wrong. It doesn't make it right, but it can help take the pressure off and give some space and grace because it's not personal. It hurts like hell, but it's only her inner demons showing themselves. I know that isn't a magic answer, but if you can hold onto that, it might help.
Wow, I have been struggling for months over my decision to let go of someone and love them from afar. The constant negativity and refusal to grow, even though they seemed to want to, became clear to me and it broke my heart. I became stagnant on my journey and had to choose myself. I have questioned my decision many times, but felt so much peace, and had a renewed vigor to continue my writing. I mentally feel better. Choosing me was hard, but necessary. Thank you so much for this article. I needed this ❤️
Yes, even though these decisions may be necessary, it doesn’t mean they aren’t painful to go through. Hard choices = easier life. Easy choices = Hard life
Great analogy! I'll remember that 😊
This is such a powerful and necessary message. Letting go of people who drain us is one of the hardest but most transformative decisions we can make. It takes immense strength to walk away from relationships that no longer serve us, but doing so is an act of self-respect and self-preservation.
For me, the hardest part was accepting that love alone isn’t enough to change someone—they have to want it for themselves. Jennifer, have you found that people ever come back after you've distanced yourself, claiming they’ve changed? And if so, how do you determine whether it’s genuine growth or just another cycle?
Hi Karen. Thank you for starting a conversation. This is one of the hardest things about being human, letting go of those we love. What a great question as well. For me, I had one person come back claiming to have changed, and I loved him so much at the time that I believed him. Within a few short weeks, he was back to his old self. The saddest part is that I stayed another 6 months back in the cycle of hoping and praying they would change until I left for good. That was over 6 years ago and he's still the same miserable person. Otherwise, nobody I have grown away from has come looking for me. They are still stuck and unhappy and I am not going backwards. I am sad and miss a few of them, but not enough to settle.
I completely understand Jennifer. I have much the same story. Some grow and some do not. Thank you for sharing!
These are great topic suggestions. Thank you.
Well, Bineettio, you are in for a treat with my article for tomorrow on happiness. You don't have to stay "broken". One of my beliefs is that sometimes bad things happen to us by circumstance or through channels beyond our control, AND, it is our choice and responsibility to persevere and learn and grow from such adversities. Staying broken is still a choice; at least, here in the United States, it is. I am not sure about other countries and cultures.
Thank you Bineettio. Your compliments about my article made my morning. I agree, that statement would be a perfect addition.
Awesome!! I post a new article every Wednesday!!! Is there anything you are interested in that I could write about for you when it comes to relationships or personal development?