Hi Salwa. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. It’s so true that growth often comes with bittersweet realizations, especially when it challenges the dynamics of our relationships. I’m so glad you found a connection in the idea of redefining our circle—it really is such a gift to build a space that aligns with who we’re becoming. Knowing that my journey resonated with you brings me so much comfort and gratitude. Sending love back to you for being part of this shared experience.
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful message. It truly means a lot to me that our journeys resonate with each other. Redefining our circle is such a powerful way to honour our growth, even when it feels bittersweet. It’s incredible how those spaces of connection can bring clarity and peace. I’m so grateful for this shared experience, and I’m sending you all my love as well. Keep shining. 💛
Once again, we share a life experience. A painful one. I had a friend I've known since high school, and believe me, that was a LONG time ago. She had moved to Tennessee, and I visited her there 3, maybe 4 times. She and her husband came to visit me once, and she said she would never come back to Key West again. Whatever. I flew to Tennessee yet each visit, while pleasant until the end, ended in her telling me what a negative person I was (this coming from a person who talked down about her sister every chance she got) and then proceeded to tell me everything I was doing wrong with my life. After my last visit, I had had it. I called her up- and told her I could no longer be her friend. She said, "So you dont' like people asking you questions?" I said, "You're not just asking questions. You are giving me unsolicited adivce which is exactly what my sister has done to me ALL my life." Mind you, after the first visit, I was so careful with what I said and how I spoke (not stressful AT ALL) so as not to incur her judgement. While I mourn the loss of such a dear friend, my life has been so much more peaceful without her in it.
Thank you for sharing. I feel you. Unsolicited advice wrapped with fake concern, all while one avoids looking in the mirror, is the most annoying. Ugh! No matter what paths we all choose, not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever; there is always a season. And those seasons deserve grieving, no matter what the reasons are for the ending. I have now adopted the motto of "less is more" and focus on the quality of my relationships.
I think we share a common "excitement" when we stumble upon something that resonates with that thing inside that was longing to be cared for, attended to, nourished. Whether it's self discovery, personal development, spiritual longing, health in the way of exercise or nutrition. It sometimes comes at times when the barriers we've built have been broken down by life or by ourselves, in pain or otherwise. I loved reading about yours. Thank you for allowing us to peek in.
I had that same “high” experience when I started my personal development journey. Couldn’t get enough of devouring all things psychology! It’s answered so many questions.
That's part of the harsh beauty in it all, isn't it? As our seasons change, so do our connections. And sometimes, as we cross over the fire, leaving behind what no longer serves us, we find ourselves immersed into a beautiful new world that leaves us wondering why we didn't come sooner.
Agreed. I find it interesting as well that when we know we have to go through the fire again, we hesitate. even tho we aren’t sure exactly what’s on the other side but knowing it could be better than the now, we still look for reasons to linger in the fire bc of certainty in the now. Humans are fascinating creatures. LOL
Totally. I think it's because it's easier to remember the past than it is to imagine the future. The past is certain while the future is completely unknown.
Thank you for sharing this deeply honest and resonant piece. Your journey of transformation...the highs and the heartaches is something I feel in my bones. Personal development often brings clarity, but with it comes the ache of realising how many relationships were built on shaky foundations. It’s a bittersweet kind of growth.
I particularly connected with your reflection on how our own growth can act as a mirror for others, sometimes revealing insecurities or unresolved pain they might not be ready to face. It’s such a painful yet necessary lesson to learn that not everyone will celebrate our transformation, and that’s okay. I love how you reframed this as an opportunity to redefine your circle—a safe, authentic, and intentional space sounds like a true gift.
Thank you for holding space for this conversation. It’s comforting to know that even in the loneliness of growth, there’s a shared humanity in our stories. Sending you love and gratitude for sharing yours.
Hi Salwa- I noticed I responded to your comment indirectly. Not sure how that happened, I am still figuring out Substack and technology in general. I hope you can see it now that I commented directly to you, it's above this one. :)
I have experienced a similar loneliness on this self development journey. One of the biggest things I was able to overcome was to stop drinking alcohol. I come from a family of pretty heavy drinkers, and I thought consuming large amounts of alcohol and becoming “fun” - more like embarrassing and belligerent was the normal. Once I stopped, my relationship with my parents and other family members drastically changed. When I was around they would validate why they were drinking so much to me, and it was clear just my mere presence was making them feel judged, even tho I never judged. I understood it was a choice only I could make, and what others choose to do with their body is their business. In my opinion I was just as fun, maybe even more fun bc I wasn’t out of control. Things got even weirder as I have since found inner peace in a developing relationship with God, and my desire to live a wholesome life. I’ve realized that I can be a walking permission slip for anyone to look and say, wow she really did the work and changed and now she is glowing - I can do this to if I so desire. I pray for them daily and also accept them and love them as they are, for they are walking their journey, and I am mine.
I do miss feeling connected to them tho. It’s a funny thing when you choose to honor and value yourself, but yet you loose the feeling of friendship. I am learning to find my tribe here on Substack, which has been such a blessing.
Hi Lauren. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. I understand having family with a long history with alcohol dependency and the self-medication it provides. Congratulations on your accomplishment of eliminating it from your life despite the loss. Losing family connections I think is one of the hardest because they are literally a part of us, however sometimes it's just how it has to be. I miss having the connections as well and finding my tribe on Substack. I finally feel connected to a social media platform and it's people.
Hi Salwa. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. It’s so true that growth often comes with bittersweet realizations, especially when it challenges the dynamics of our relationships. I’m so glad you found a connection in the idea of redefining our circle—it really is such a gift to build a space that aligns with who we’re becoming. Knowing that my journey resonated with you brings me so much comfort and gratitude. Sending love back to you for being part of this shared experience.
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful message. It truly means a lot to me that our journeys resonate with each other. Redefining our circle is such a powerful way to honour our growth, even when it feels bittersweet. It’s incredible how those spaces of connection can bring clarity and peace. I’m so grateful for this shared experience, and I’m sending you all my love as well. Keep shining. 💛
Once again, we share a life experience. A painful one. I had a friend I've known since high school, and believe me, that was a LONG time ago. She had moved to Tennessee, and I visited her there 3, maybe 4 times. She and her husband came to visit me once, and she said she would never come back to Key West again. Whatever. I flew to Tennessee yet each visit, while pleasant until the end, ended in her telling me what a negative person I was (this coming from a person who talked down about her sister every chance she got) and then proceeded to tell me everything I was doing wrong with my life. After my last visit, I had had it. I called her up- and told her I could no longer be her friend. She said, "So you dont' like people asking you questions?" I said, "You're not just asking questions. You are giving me unsolicited adivce which is exactly what my sister has done to me ALL my life." Mind you, after the first visit, I was so careful with what I said and how I spoke (not stressful AT ALL) so as not to incur her judgement. While I mourn the loss of such a dear friend, my life has been so much more peaceful without her in it.
Thank you for sharing. I feel you. Unsolicited advice wrapped with fake concern, all while one avoids looking in the mirror, is the most annoying. Ugh! No matter what paths we all choose, not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever; there is always a season. And those seasons deserve grieving, no matter what the reasons are for the ending. I have now adopted the motto of "less is more" and focus on the quality of my relationships.
I think we share a common "excitement" when we stumble upon something that resonates with that thing inside that was longing to be cared for, attended to, nourished. Whether it's self discovery, personal development, spiritual longing, health in the way of exercise or nutrition. It sometimes comes at times when the barriers we've built have been broken down by life or by ourselves, in pain or otherwise. I loved reading about yours. Thank you for allowing us to peek in.
Thank you Dany for your support. It’s nice to be around other like minded people. It’s refreshing to not feel alone. 💜
I had that same “high” experience when I started my personal development journey. Couldn’t get enough of devouring all things psychology! It’s answered so many questions.
Hi Sara. What would you say was one of your biggest realizations so far on your journey?
That not remembering my childhood is a sign of trauma. (Little T, as they say, as my parents were physically around but emotionally absent.)
I understand that. Forgiving our parents is another huge part of the healing journey.
This is what it was like for me to get sober. Luckily, the writing and art community scooped me up and replaced some of those toxic relationships.
That's part of the harsh beauty in it all, isn't it? As our seasons change, so do our connections. And sometimes, as we cross over the fire, leaving behind what no longer serves us, we find ourselves immersed into a beautiful new world that leaves us wondering why we didn't come sooner.
You only gain that perspective when you can see from both sides.
Agreed. I find it interesting as well that when we know we have to go through the fire again, we hesitate. even tho we aren’t sure exactly what’s on the other side but knowing it could be better than the now, we still look for reasons to linger in the fire bc of certainty in the now. Humans are fascinating creatures. LOL
Totally. I think it's because it's easier to remember the past than it is to imagine the future. The past is certain while the future is completely unknown.
100%.
You have no idea… thank you for telling my side… they don’t get it… still… and I found someone great to follow! 🙂
Hi Karal. Thank you for your kind words. I see you and know how hard this path is. Stay on it. You won't regret it.
Thank you for sharing this deeply honest and resonant piece. Your journey of transformation...the highs and the heartaches is something I feel in my bones. Personal development often brings clarity, but with it comes the ache of realising how many relationships were built on shaky foundations. It’s a bittersweet kind of growth.
I particularly connected with your reflection on how our own growth can act as a mirror for others, sometimes revealing insecurities or unresolved pain they might not be ready to face. It’s such a painful yet necessary lesson to learn that not everyone will celebrate our transformation, and that’s okay. I love how you reframed this as an opportunity to redefine your circle—a safe, authentic, and intentional space sounds like a true gift.
Thank you for holding space for this conversation. It’s comforting to know that even in the loneliness of growth, there’s a shared humanity in our stories. Sending you love and gratitude for sharing yours.
Hi Salwa- I noticed I responded to your comment indirectly. Not sure how that happened, I am still figuring out Substack and technology in general. I hope you can see it now that I commented directly to you, it's above this one. :)
I have experienced a similar loneliness on this self development journey. One of the biggest things I was able to overcome was to stop drinking alcohol. I come from a family of pretty heavy drinkers, and I thought consuming large amounts of alcohol and becoming “fun” - more like embarrassing and belligerent was the normal. Once I stopped, my relationship with my parents and other family members drastically changed. When I was around they would validate why they were drinking so much to me, and it was clear just my mere presence was making them feel judged, even tho I never judged. I understood it was a choice only I could make, and what others choose to do with their body is their business. In my opinion I was just as fun, maybe even more fun bc I wasn’t out of control. Things got even weirder as I have since found inner peace in a developing relationship with God, and my desire to live a wholesome life. I’ve realized that I can be a walking permission slip for anyone to look and say, wow she really did the work and changed and now she is glowing - I can do this to if I so desire. I pray for them daily and also accept them and love them as they are, for they are walking their journey, and I am mine.
I do miss feeling connected to them tho. It’s a funny thing when you choose to honor and value yourself, but yet you loose the feeling of friendship. I am learning to find my tribe here on Substack, which has been such a blessing.
I enjoyed reading your work 🫶🏽
Hi Lauren. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. I understand having family with a long history with alcohol dependency and the self-medication it provides. Congratulations on your accomplishment of eliminating it from your life despite the loss. Losing family connections I think is one of the hardest because they are literally a part of us, however sometimes it's just how it has to be. I miss having the connections as well and finding my tribe on Substack. I finally feel connected to a social media platform and it's people.
Yes, exactly! It was great to share this and felt very validating to read your journey and also be heard and seen by you too. I’m glad we connected!