The Sh!tty Question Every Stay-at-Home Mom Hates

A no-holds-barred rant about the invisible labor, judgment, and daily grind of being a SAHM.

It went like any other weekday: organized chaos. I made breakfast for three kids, packed two lunches for school, and orchestrated the morning shuffle like a caffeinated air traffic controller.

Once the kids were out the door, I spent the day running errands, tackling the never-ending laundry, and cooking a mushroom pesto lasagna from scratch, all while feeding and wiping the butt of a rambunctious toddler.

Because that is how it’s done. 

By the time my partner walked through the door, I was exhausted but felt proud. The house wasn’t perfect, but I’d put in the work—dinner smelled amazing, the groceries were stocked, and the kids were alive and reasonably clean.

Then, it happened.

He spotted the glass—the same one he’d put in the sink that morning—and made that face.

You know the one.

The judgy, ‘I’m-about-to-say-something-condescending-but-pretend-it’s-a-question’ look.

‘What did you do all day?’ he asked, as if the dinner fairy had arrived, the kids teleported themselves to school, and the groceries walked into the fridge on their own.

I stood there, covered in flour and shredded cheese, trying to figure out if he was joking or if I should throw the lasagna at him. (I didn’t, but came very close!)

That moment stuck with me—not because it was the first time he underestimated my labor, but because it summed up everything society gets wrong about being a stay-at-home mom. 

Unpacking the SAHM Stereotype

Apparently, being a stay-at-home mom is both the easiest and most unimportant job in the world—at least, that’s what a lot of society seems to think. And most don’t even really believe in the value of being a SAHM.

People imagine us sashaying around in yoga pants with our Stanley cups, and scrolling Instagram while the kids quietly entertain themselves.

Newsflash: the yoga pants aren’t always a fashion statement—they’re a survival tactic. Some days, they’re the only thing that fits between scrubbing toilets and refereeing arguments over whose turn it is to control the remote.

Now, as a recovering, desperate housewife who works full time, I’ve traded the toddler tantrums for teenage eye rolls and the ‘wrong color sippy cup’ crises for arguments about Wi-Fi usage.

But let me tell you something: whether you’re a SAHM with toddlers, teens, or somewhere in between, the expectations are equally ridiculous.

We’re supposed to keep our kids happy, our houses spotless, and ourselves flawless while somehow pretending this chaos is our greatest joy.

Yeah, no.

Let me tell you what it’s really like.

The Unrealistic Checklist of Motherhood

Let’s talk about the absurd expectations placed on stay-at-home moms, shall we?

We’re supposed to raise polite, genius-level children who never throw tantrums in Target, keep a house worthy of Better Homes and Gardens, and whip up organic, five-star meals from scratch—because heaven forbid our kids eat boxed mac and cheese.

And, of course, we’re expected to look Pinterest-perfect while doing it all.

The Invisible Wife Rulebook

And as if that weren’t enough, there’s the unspoken rulebook of being a wife. Keep the hubby happy.

Make sure you’re available for some sexy time! Bonus points if you somehow manage to keep things perfectly trimmed and clean… and yes, I mean down there.

Because nothing says romance like being so tired you pass out mid-'Netflix and chill.'

…Sorry, honey, I was up at 5 AM making the lunches you didn’t even notice.

Parenting Expectations That Break Us

But the cherry on top of this absurd mom sundae?

We’re supposed to gentle parent.

Apparently, I’m expected to calmly walk my kid to the 'time-out rug'—because chairs are too emotionally harsh now—and guide him through processing his big feelings.

All while he’s having a meltdown because I wouldn’t let him eat chips for lunch. No yelling, no frustration—just soothing tones and validating his emotional journey.

Because apparently, everything that my generation and the ones before did was 'wrong,' and now we’re responsible for undoing all that damage.

No pressure, right?!

Meanwhile, I’m sitting in the bathroom—yes, the bathroom, —having a quiet, mascara-streaked meltdown of my own because my emotional journey today involved scrubbing dried mac and cheese off the floor and cleaning just the parts of my hair that got spit-up on it.

But sure, I’ll just gently process my feelings too, while also teaching a tiny human not to hit his sister with a toy hammer.

Totally doable.

To the rare partners who truly get it—your unwavering support is the backbone of this entire operation. You see the chaos, value the effort, and show up, making all the difference in a world that often overlooks what moms do. Thank you for being awesome.

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The Mom Crime Syndicate

Heaven forbid you skip a trampoline birthday party because you just don’t want to go, or serve something from a box for dinner.

Congratulations, you’ve committed a federal crime against motherhood. Expect to be sentenced to a lifetime of side-eyes from Karen and her judgmental SUV crew.

Seriously, who writes these rules? Was there a meeting I missed where they decided moms have to be perfect humans with the stamina of a triathlete, the cooking skills and housekeeping skills of Martha-Freaking-Stewart, and the patience of Mother Teresa? 

I have none of those things. What I do have is a lot of stress, a stash of emergency snacks I refuse to share with my kids, and the occasional wine-fueled cry session in the bathroom.

"Just a Mom," Huh?

Oh, I’m just a mom? Funny, because if I didn’t do my job, you’d notice pretty fast.

Who else is going to make sure everyone has clean underwear, remember which kid hates crusts and which one loves them, turn off faucets left running because Barbie needed a bath, and keep track of school picture day, library books, and permission slips?

It’s not magic; it’s an unpaid full-time gig with no instruction manual, and trust me, the chaos doesn’t manage itself.

Chaos Management: Level Expert

Keeping the house semi-functional isn’t just wiping counters or picking up toys. It’s refereeing sibling death matches, unclogging toilets because someone thought flushing an entire roll of toilet paper was smart, and answering 47 Lightning McQueen questions—all before lunch.

Moms are the unpaid project managers of their families, juggling countless tasks every day to keep things from imploding. We don’t get fancy job titles, but we’ve got the skills of a crisis negotiator, event planner, and janitor rolled into one.

Back when they were toddlers, it was tantrums over crayons and snacks. Now, it’s eye rolls and debates about why TikTok isn’t a legitimate career path.

Either way, it’s exhausting.

And while answering 387 "why" questions, cutting crusts into dinosaur shapes, and remembering Thursday is Dr. Suess day might look like “nothing” to some, let me tell you—my “nothing” days are more productive than most people’s “everything” days.

Moms are multitasking ninjas, and the fact that we make it look effortless doesn’t mean it’s easy. (it’s not!)

The Respect Moms Deserve

If CEOs got as little credit for their unpaid overtime as stay-at-home moms, there’d be riots in the streets, and LinkedIn would collapse with burnout posts.

Meanwhile, moms are out here running households, raising the next generation, and doing it all for zero pay, no PTO, and definitely no 401(k).

Society loves to dismiss what we do as nap times and playdates, but let me remind you: raising a human being while preventing chaos is no small feat.

It’s time moms get the respect they deserve—not just from society, but from our partners, too.

Partners Who Don’t Get It

Let’s talk about those partners who think the house cleans itself, dinner appears magically, and the kids somehow stay safe & educated by default.

You know the ones—they stroll in after work, drop their shoes at the door and ask, ‘Why do you look so tired?’

Meanwhile, I’m over here running a three-ring circus of bedtime chaos, and they’re taking an hour to 'decompress' on the couch. Must be nice!

Case in point: one time my partner ‘allowed’ me to go to dinner with girlfriends, he stared at the Hello Fresh meal recipe card like it was written in a foreign language and said, ‘How am I supposed to cook this kind of meal and watch the kids?’

Hmm, I dunno, Einstein, maybe the same way I do it every night? But god forbid I serve a TV dinner or leave a dish in the sink.

…Or worse, have the dining room chairs not lined up exactly three inches apart—because priorities, right?

Newsflash: parenting is a team sport, not a spectator event. It’s not 'my job' to handle everything while you kick back like a 1950s sitcom husband, waiting for your slippers and newspaper.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all about being submissive to my man, but damn! Submission doesn’t mean servitude, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m your personal butler. 

We are stay-at-home moms, not stay-at-home maids. Don’t like it, honey-boo? Not my problem. Your dinner didn’t magically walk onto the table tonight? Sounds like a great time to learn how to work the stove.

So the next time you see your partner running around like a caffeinated hamster on a wheel, maybe don’t ask why they look tired. Instead, offer to help.

It’s not rocket science—it’s called teamwork

The Struggle is Real

Yes, I chose this life. No, that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally fantasize about a quiet cabin in the woods, no laundry in sight, while smoking a fat one and eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s- uninterrupted.

Just because I love my kids doesn’t mean I don’t also need a break from the chaos they bring….and a little damn appreciation!

Why SAHMs Deserve More Credit

Let’s be real: SAHMs are the glue holding everything together. We’re project managers, chefs, therapists, janitors, chauffeurs, and sometimes, hostage negotiators.

And we do it all without pay, or so much as a ‘thank you’ on most days. We’re raising little humans, for crying out loud!

You think negotiating with a 3-foot-tall dictator who hasn’t napped and demands fruit snacks at 6 AM is easy? 

I’ve met women who flat-out said they’d rather work 12-hour shifts outside the house than be a SAHM.

And I get it.

This gig isn’t for the weak, and it sure as heck isn’t for everyone. It’s not easy—it’s physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting.

But we do it because we love our families and know that raising decent, functional human beings matters more than a spotless house or a Pinterest-perfect life.

So yeah, society owes us more respect—and maybe a few statues in our honor.

We deserve the kind of recognition reserved for Olympic athletes. (who most likely had a SAHM investing their time and energy into their kid’s talents) 

Because, let’s face it, getting through a day as a SAHM sometimes feels like running a marathon while finding a moment to pee and contemplating adult diapers for the sake of saving time, all while wiping snot from noses that aren’t ours and answering questions that never stop.

To every SAHM out there: You’re doing a hard, important, and often thankless job. You don’t need society’s approval, but don’t let anyone tell you this isn’t valuable work.

You’re a superhero in yoga pants—and you deserve all the credit in the world for keeping everything from falling apart.

Why You’re More Than ‘Just a Mom

So the next time someone says, “Oh, you’re just a mom,” feel free to laugh in their face—or better yet, hand them a screaming toddler, a basket of unfolded laundry, and your to-do list.

I promise, they won’t last the day. By lunchtime, they’ll be crying into the pile of crustless sandwiches you prepped earlier.

To all my fellow recovering desperate housewives out there, whether you’re still in the trenches or figuring out your next steps: you’re not just doing a hard job—you’re doing one of the most important jobs.

And no, you don’t need to lose yourself in the process or apologize for the days when you fall short. You’re human, not a robot.

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✅ Meal-planning tips and a shopping list to save you time and stress in the kitchen.

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Take the first step toward a more productive, balanced, and joyful life—you’ve earned it, mama.

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