Prioritizing your partner shows kids what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s not neglect—it’s leadership. Here’s how to do it right without raising entitled little tyrants.
💯 agree with this! My husband and I always (try!) to prioritize our relationship. It is so important to a healthy marriage and the kids see it and it’s good for them, too!
I put my kids first and it hurt my marriage a lot. I am still struggling with the shift. I am bad at prioritizing myself, so planning dates nights and couple only stuff is tough for me (we have 7 kids now). But I know it’s a must if we want a fantastic relationship.
Kudos to you Dustin for recognizing this. Wow! 7 kids!! That's amazing. I would have loved to have that many, provided I had the structure and equal partner.
Sometimes, planning dates and quality time with our partner can be a duel effort. But it starts with simple things like flirting and texting sweet reminders- those go a long way especially when they are consistent.
I stopped reading after the beginning of your piece, because you hit on some incredible truths, a number of things, all in the beginning or correct, the data shows the disaster of the modern marriage, putting the kids first, definitely nothing to do with a healthy marriage, and having the kids understand what a great marriage is, they having the right relationship between husband and wife is definitely crucial, children will only grow up properly if they have a reflection of the parents to mimic. Like my mother and father, they were completely selfless in their love for each other, all I saw, was the two of them, hugging after dinner in the kitchen, the laughter from the bedroom every night from my mother, cracking up laughing… what a wonderful dynamic. The way my father scolded me when I raised my voice to my mother, explaining that she was the only thing that matters in our lives in his life, and my mother was the same… she said, my father was the only thing that mattered, because, without him, she would be without hope to raise me and my sister. The unit that my parents made was more important than me and my sister, because without that unit in tact, me and my sister wouldn’t have a chance. Like it was more like., me and my sister had to stay in line… we were almost secondary compared to the overall family unit that Hass to be in line… with somebody else besides ourselves, like I had to care more about my sister than myself… my sister sort of learned that I was more important than she was… just buy natural reflection of my parents… and this actually creates true happiness. Today couple think they need to be happy, husband, and wife think about their own happiness…. What a disaster. And this brings me to my last point that it is absolutely of God. Both my parents grew up learning about the Old Testament and the New Testament in schools regardless of the religions, these things were taught as principles for the country. Marriage is ordained by God. They learned that they are one flesh when they are married and can never break the marriage vow that God does not see divorce. There’s no such thing. And the marriage has only one purpose that is to raise children to create children. And they have to be corrected. They have to be guided by the reflection, the parents make… and that was totally void of any kind of feeling or emotion of the parent… my mother’s emotions had nothing to do with the marriage. Neither did my father’s emotions…. It was like how they felt about life was irrelevant if they were tired if they were depressed if they were unhappy… that had nothing to do with anything. It’s like a job for God. They become one flesh and they have to do with God says. And they cherished each other they gave up their own lives for one another were completely selfless, and then me and my sister became this healthy unit easily…. It’s a formula that works. It’s been working for thousands of years. And that’s why the government took out the Bible from the school system because they wanted to destroy the family unit. They brought in sex education., Planned Parenthood for abortions, so Kids could just have sex, and legal divorce in 1969. That destroyed 30% plus of the countries, families. I will enter here and I’m going to read more of your stuff. The biblical values and principles are really which missing. Because if people don’t fear that there is a God above them, that will judge them., it’s very hard for people to change their behavior. Selfishness is what replaces godliness.
Hi Bud. I knew you would be my first commenter. In fact, I used some of the things you said to me in previous comments about putting our spouse first.
Anyway-I completely agree that we need to choose our partners wisely before marriage. Commitment is both a duty and a feeling—because love is a verb, not just an emotion, as I stated in my article.
A strong marriage is built on consistent action, not fleeting feelings. While divorce may be frowned upon and its history may be tied to government influence over religion, the Bible makes it clear that divorce is 100% allowed in cases of repeated infidelity (Matthew 19:9) and abuse (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25). If a spouse continually cheats or refuses to stop harming their partner, they have already broken the covenant. Staying in an abusive marriage does not honor God—it enables sin. Marriage is sacred, but so is the well-being of those in it.
Yes, there is separation in the Bible from certain things when it comes to sexual infidelity some abuse… what the commandment that the marriage is ordained and becomes one flesh by God.. that could never be broken. So, the idea that people could be divorced, and then move on to other marriages., this is for bidden. That’s why the vow is for better or worse, and we are not to get divorced even if there’s if you need to be worked out no matter how long it takes., a couple can separate… but as far as the biblical principles, the marriage could never be separated. It says that a woman and man are not allowed to remarry they must stay alone forever. I’m at brings back the point where the Bible says do not become unequally yoked… it is a huge mistake to marry for any other reason, except for two people, being of the same value system…. Having the same ideals going into the marriage., or else we will have the modern disasters. I don’t know one couple in my generation that ever married because of their values. I mean, what a travesty the lessons of the Bible were removed, because who had an inkling about biblical values especially when we were hearing the lesson, don’t ever talk about religion or politics on the first date…. Like how nuts…. I finally came to realize, that the only reason someone came up with that lesson was so that the guy could have sex with a girl…. Like don’t mention religion and politics, and you’ll have a better chance of getting in bed. The truth….. is that we should’ve only talked about religion and politics on our first dates, so the date would be over and so with the relationship probably after that first dinner….hahaha it’s like don’t look a gift horse in the mouth? That lesson tells people to except a horse as a present, and don’t look for any disease in the mouth because it’s a free gift. So you take the horse because it’s free., and then when you’re sleeping at night, the horse comes into the bedroom and attacks you, chewing on your face with diseased teeth! Hahaha my lesson to people, is that if somebody’s trying to give you a free horse, you probably don’t have to look in his mouth, just don’t take it…. Nobody gives away free horse, unless the thing is sick…. And if you look at its mouth, have somebody else open it from a distance with rubber gloves!
My eyes are blurry today from text messaging and messaging people. Another friend of ours from the Jersey shore, stroke, bleeding on the brain. He is 58….. divorced, did a lot of wicked things, behaviors, Wall Street guy, I knew his family divorced twice his mom…. My entire generation is full of broken homes, broken promises, drug use, lying cheating., business fraud…. Every kind of wicked behavior….. and you wouldn’t believe the messaging between friends is that everybody is great in their personality like, friend in the hospital was the nicest guy…. Everybody loves him…. A girl who committed suicide everybody loved her she was the best., three other friends committed suicide. Everybody love them they were the nicest people….. seems like everybody’s so great. Everybody’s the best. They are all the nicest people. I am going blind messaging everybody and telling them to explain exactly what was nice about any of them. Except for the niceness that everybody shows when they are out at restaurants and bars when they’re all dressed up with a drink in their hand, a big smile, and everybody’s charming and witty and funny….. me and my crew and thousands of people I’ve known in my life have that kind of dynamic in spades… including myself, I can’t tell you how many moms would’ve loved to have me marry their daughter, like I was a great catch….. nothing could be further from the truth…. It’s like we’ve been living in the twilight zone total insanity, a detachment from reality… I always bring it back to know biblical principles no Bible teaching in the school no fear of God, and everything was judged by the look of the cover, good looking great dresser, wealthy family, the right ZIP Code, Smart charming….. you are Mr. right! The way I see it today, is it all those things are intact? That’s Mr. wrong! Way wrong! Mr. Waywrong. Sounds Chinese.
Happens to me every day! Soon as I stopped writing this note to you, I turned on satellite radio, and Philip DeCoursey is speaking about the marriage ordained by God, and how it reflects on the children! Every time! No matter what I speak about if it’s something to do with God’s people, something to do with family biblical principles, I turn on the radio, and the sermon is on that exact subject! Every day every time for the last 6 1/2 years seven days a week this has happened without fail! If I’m reading something in the Bible…. I turn on the radio. The sermon is on that exact passage every day every time for over six years.! it is beyond belief mind boggling that this has been going on with me…. I have so much more on the word of God, and also my own testament and some of my audios on my Instagram.. Jessica Reed Kraus has published my voice and some of my text messages in her Substack houseinhabit and on her Instagram for the past year since we met at UCLA last year. She wrote a letter about me and her best of 2024 piece on Substack. I am number six. If you haven’t seen anything or heard me…. It’s a very beautiful note and explains in Quick, who I am sort of.
Agreed. I believe everything happens for a reason, even our "mistakes." Were our failed marriages really mistakes or stepping stones to get to where we are going? All I know, is my next marriage is forever and I will not settle or jump into it and this is the road map we will follow. :)
Having kids highlighted our really weak areas, so I think in some cases once kids come, you’re doomed anyway.
I have to agree with you a little bit on this one Isabelle.
💯 agree with this! My husband and I always (try!) to prioritize our relationship. It is so important to a healthy marriage and the kids see it and it’s good for them, too!
Hi Leonora. This is great to hear. I wish more people had this mindset, we'd have happier kids and adults in the U.S., that's for sure!
I put my kids first and it hurt my marriage a lot. I am still struggling with the shift. I am bad at prioritizing myself, so planning dates nights and couple only stuff is tough for me (we have 7 kids now). But I know it’s a must if we want a fantastic relationship.
Kudos to you Dustin for recognizing this. Wow! 7 kids!! That's amazing. I would have loved to have that many, provided I had the structure and equal partner.
Sometimes, planning dates and quality time with our partner can be a duel effort. But it starts with simple things like flirting and texting sweet reminders- those go a long way especially when they are consistent.
I stopped reading after the beginning of your piece, because you hit on some incredible truths, a number of things, all in the beginning or correct, the data shows the disaster of the modern marriage, putting the kids first, definitely nothing to do with a healthy marriage, and having the kids understand what a great marriage is, they having the right relationship between husband and wife is definitely crucial, children will only grow up properly if they have a reflection of the parents to mimic. Like my mother and father, they were completely selfless in their love for each other, all I saw, was the two of them, hugging after dinner in the kitchen, the laughter from the bedroom every night from my mother, cracking up laughing… what a wonderful dynamic. The way my father scolded me when I raised my voice to my mother, explaining that she was the only thing that matters in our lives in his life, and my mother was the same… she said, my father was the only thing that mattered, because, without him, she would be without hope to raise me and my sister. The unit that my parents made was more important than me and my sister, because without that unit in tact, me and my sister wouldn’t have a chance. Like it was more like., me and my sister had to stay in line… we were almost secondary compared to the overall family unit that Hass to be in line… with somebody else besides ourselves, like I had to care more about my sister than myself… my sister sort of learned that I was more important than she was… just buy natural reflection of my parents… and this actually creates true happiness. Today couple think they need to be happy, husband, and wife think about their own happiness…. What a disaster. And this brings me to my last point that it is absolutely of God. Both my parents grew up learning about the Old Testament and the New Testament in schools regardless of the religions, these things were taught as principles for the country. Marriage is ordained by God. They learned that they are one flesh when they are married and can never break the marriage vow that God does not see divorce. There’s no such thing. And the marriage has only one purpose that is to raise children to create children. And they have to be corrected. They have to be guided by the reflection, the parents make… and that was totally void of any kind of feeling or emotion of the parent… my mother’s emotions had nothing to do with the marriage. Neither did my father’s emotions…. It was like how they felt about life was irrelevant if they were tired if they were depressed if they were unhappy… that had nothing to do with anything. It’s like a job for God. They become one flesh and they have to do with God says. And they cherished each other they gave up their own lives for one another were completely selfless, and then me and my sister became this healthy unit easily…. It’s a formula that works. It’s been working for thousands of years. And that’s why the government took out the Bible from the school system because they wanted to destroy the family unit. They brought in sex education., Planned Parenthood for abortions, so Kids could just have sex, and legal divorce in 1969. That destroyed 30% plus of the countries, families. I will enter here and I’m going to read more of your stuff. The biblical values and principles are really which missing. Because if people don’t fear that there is a God above them, that will judge them., it’s very hard for people to change their behavior. Selfishness is what replaces godliness.
Hi Bud. I knew you would be my first commenter. In fact, I used some of the things you said to me in previous comments about putting our spouse first.
Anyway-I completely agree that we need to choose our partners wisely before marriage. Commitment is both a duty and a feeling—because love is a verb, not just an emotion, as I stated in my article.
A strong marriage is built on consistent action, not fleeting feelings. While divorce may be frowned upon and its history may be tied to government influence over religion, the Bible makes it clear that divorce is 100% allowed in cases of repeated infidelity (Matthew 19:9) and abuse (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25). If a spouse continually cheats or refuses to stop harming their partner, they have already broken the covenant. Staying in an abusive marriage does not honor God—it enables sin. Marriage is sacred, but so is the well-being of those in it.
Yes, there is separation in the Bible from certain things when it comes to sexual infidelity some abuse… what the commandment that the marriage is ordained and becomes one flesh by God.. that could never be broken. So, the idea that people could be divorced, and then move on to other marriages., this is for bidden. That’s why the vow is for better or worse, and we are not to get divorced even if there’s if you need to be worked out no matter how long it takes., a couple can separate… but as far as the biblical principles, the marriage could never be separated. It says that a woman and man are not allowed to remarry they must stay alone forever. I’m at brings back the point where the Bible says do not become unequally yoked… it is a huge mistake to marry for any other reason, except for two people, being of the same value system…. Having the same ideals going into the marriage., or else we will have the modern disasters. I don’t know one couple in my generation that ever married because of their values. I mean, what a travesty the lessons of the Bible were removed, because who had an inkling about biblical values especially when we were hearing the lesson, don’t ever talk about religion or politics on the first date…. Like how nuts…. I finally came to realize, that the only reason someone came up with that lesson was so that the guy could have sex with a girl…. Like don’t mention religion and politics, and you’ll have a better chance of getting in bed. The truth….. is that we should’ve only talked about religion and politics on our first dates, so the date would be over and so with the relationship probably after that first dinner….hahaha it’s like don’t look a gift horse in the mouth? That lesson tells people to except a horse as a present, and don’t look for any disease in the mouth because it’s a free gift. So you take the horse because it’s free., and then when you’re sleeping at night, the horse comes into the bedroom and attacks you, chewing on your face with diseased teeth! Hahaha my lesson to people, is that if somebody’s trying to give you a free horse, you probably don’t have to look in his mouth, just don’t take it…. Nobody gives away free horse, unless the thing is sick…. And if you look at its mouth, have somebody else open it from a distance with rubber gloves!
My eyes are blurry today from text messaging and messaging people. Another friend of ours from the Jersey shore, stroke, bleeding on the brain. He is 58….. divorced, did a lot of wicked things, behaviors, Wall Street guy, I knew his family divorced twice his mom…. My entire generation is full of broken homes, broken promises, drug use, lying cheating., business fraud…. Every kind of wicked behavior….. and you wouldn’t believe the messaging between friends is that everybody is great in their personality like, friend in the hospital was the nicest guy…. Everybody loves him…. A girl who committed suicide everybody loved her she was the best., three other friends committed suicide. Everybody love them they were the nicest people….. seems like everybody’s so great. Everybody’s the best. They are all the nicest people. I am going blind messaging everybody and telling them to explain exactly what was nice about any of them. Except for the niceness that everybody shows when they are out at restaurants and bars when they’re all dressed up with a drink in their hand, a big smile, and everybody’s charming and witty and funny….. me and my crew and thousands of people I’ve known in my life have that kind of dynamic in spades… including myself, I can’t tell you how many moms would’ve loved to have me marry their daughter, like I was a great catch….. nothing could be further from the truth…. It’s like we’ve been living in the twilight zone total insanity, a detachment from reality… I always bring it back to know biblical principles no Bible teaching in the school no fear of God, and everything was judged by the look of the cover, good looking great dresser, wealthy family, the right ZIP Code, Smart charming….. you are Mr. right! The way I see it today, is it all those things are intact? That’s Mr. wrong! Way wrong! Mr. Waywrong. Sounds Chinese.
Oh!!!! I didn’t read who you were!!!! Hahaha I don’t look at the names! I look at the titles and the words! Hahaha hello there! Nice to see you! :)
Happens to me every day! Soon as I stopped writing this note to you, I turned on satellite radio, and Philip DeCoursey is speaking about the marriage ordained by God, and how it reflects on the children! Every time! No matter what I speak about if it’s something to do with God’s people, something to do with family biblical principles, I turn on the radio, and the sermon is on that exact subject! Every day every time for the last 6 1/2 years seven days a week this has happened without fail! If I’m reading something in the Bible…. I turn on the radio. The sermon is on that exact passage every day every time for over six years.! it is beyond belief mind boggling that this has been going on with me…. I have so much more on the word of God, and also my own testament and some of my audios on my Instagram.. Jessica Reed Kraus has published my voice and some of my text messages in her Substack houseinhabit and on her Instagram for the past year since we met at UCLA last year. She wrote a letter about me and her best of 2024 piece on Substack. I am number six. If you haven’t seen anything or heard me…. It’s a very beautiful note and explains in Quick, who I am sort of.
Agreed. I believe everything happens for a reason, even our "mistakes." Were our failed marriages really mistakes or stepping stones to get to where we are going? All I know, is my next marriage is forever and I will not settle or jump into it and this is the road map we will follow. :)